Saturday, June 5, 2010

Three Pairs of Jeans and a Fluffy Cashier!

As I work my way into my 40th year, I'm noticing it's like working your way into a pair of jeans that just came out of the hot dryer, the day you've started your period! You knew it was coming, you wish you were better prepared and you're regretting inhaling that bag of potato chips yesterday! You now have beads of sweat forming in a variety of places, desirable and not, because you're doing the "i think i can" dance to get into a pair of jeans that clearly should have been 'line' dried and not 'dryer' dried! I'm not saying you need to get a clothesline for that time of the month. Do what I do, throw the washed jeans over the bars of your treadmill. The jeans will keep your other 'treadmill clothes' company.
Where are your period jeans? If you wear a size 12, smart women of all ages know that you should have a size 14 on standby. These are your Period Jeans! Don't forget about your Low Self Esteem Jeans, these are the size 16 you should have on standby! Let's be honest, period or no period, we all have fat days! You take your 'fat day' size 12, jump into the Low Self Esteem size 16.... and the compliments are never ending!!! "Wow, you've lost weight!" "You look amazing!"
You will feel light as a feather, I guarantee it!
Although, I will tell you... when you're purchasing a pair of size 12, 14 and 16 jeans simultaneously, the cashier does tend to give you a questionable look. My suggestion: throw in a pregnancy test for good measure! Then just make small talk, "I hope it's a girl!" Obviously, this only applies if you're buying jeans at Target or Walmart. Last I knew, they didn't sell pregnancy tests at Macy's. If you're shopping for your three pairs of jeans where there are no pregnancy tests, don't panic, just purchase individually. It is more time consuming, but you'll save yourself the questions the inquiring cashier would ask. Well, unless she's on the fluffy side. The fluffier cashier would probably appreciate the three-jean-tip!!!
I hope you appreciated this tip!!! You're welcome!
And no... the 40's aren't so bad.... you just have to have the right attitude AND the right pair of jeans AND a treadmill!!!


  1. ...or just take the easy route and wear sweatpants?! lmao at this blog - you are too funny!! I'm looking forward to see what's next!

  2. The sweatpants certainly crossed my mind, but you're right... it's an easy way out. It's an obvious route to take. I didn't want it to be that obvious- sweatpants are worn for FOUR obvious reasons- 1) the understated period pant! 2) the pant of choice for the first month after childbirth 3) the pant of choice, also for the first month after a boyfriend breaks up with you (if he's cheated on you, then maybe the first 3 months) 4)the pant of choice for bedtime after you've been married a year... a statement that says on of two things to your groom: i love you, but not as much (or with all the lust) as did a year ago OR sorry, i didn't shave again!