Friday, June 4, 2010

"Blogging for Dummies" leads to a 'road-walker' make-over on Oprah

There is no doubt that there is a thick, bright yellow book waiting for me at Barnes & Noble titled, "Blogging for Dummies." I, however, will chance it. I will make do, without. I will attempt to make ALL of my English teachers proud of me; my eleventh grade Journalism teacher as well. Besides, I'd rather not part with the assumed asking price of $19.95. Instead, I will 'wing it!' Those who may not be familiar with the term 'wing it,' please refer to "Slang for Dummies." No, nothing to do with a bird; that would be located in yet another, bright yellow book, "Inappropriate Hand Gestures for Dummies."
So, Where to begin? I have NO idea! Do I blog about funny things, sad things, honest things, happy things, depressing things, friends I love, friends who are no longer friends; or maybe, family members I'd rather not claim? Do I blog about sex, weight, money, vacations, bad habits, embarrassing moments, food, hobbies, relationships, health; or, what about love? Do I blog about strangers who walk along the side of the road, and based on their tan and the look of dehydration, have been walking awhile? Should I confess to you, that on more than one occasion, I thought of pulling over and asking, "Where are you going?" Actually, here we are, only the second paragraph in, and I'm lying to you. I wouldn't ask, "Where are you going?" I think I would ask, "How did you get here?" I know I would NOT ask the very obvious, "Don't your feet hurt?" That's just rude! But seriously, where is he going? How did he get 'here'? Does he have family? And most importantly, how much farther is he going to walk? I get sweaty and struggle to walk level one on the treadmill for twenty minutes, and it seems he's been walking for hours, if not days. I don't think he imagined that for himself. I don't think when his third grade teacher asked, "What are you going to be when you grow up?" his response was, "A thirsty, tan, road-walker." Forgive me, "road-walker" just sounds cuter than "homeless." There's nothing 'cute' about being homeless; about being a road-walker.
The most bizarre thoughts run through my mind though. Like, 'Wow, he's Tan!' You can never go wrong with a bronzed body! Well, except for the skin cancer. Of course, then I start thinking... 'Okay, he's a road-walker, I doubt he has Blue Cross. Not only does he need a ride, some money, food and water; what he really needs is sunscreen!' Next bizarre thought, 'Nice body!' He seems to be in great shape. Look at the work-out he's getting, extensive cardio and weight lifting. He's carrying what looks to be a pretty full backpack. Based on the size of the body he's chopped up, Lord only knows the weight of that backpack. I almost got in an accident last week when I found myself doing 13mph in a 55mph. I was trying to get a better look at a road-walker's face. No doubt, a semi-attractive road-walker can cause some accidents, people! But, with a soap filled shower, a haircut and a shave; I often wonder if the road-walker I pass today is going to be Oprah's 'make-over' success story tomorrow?
The lengths that people will go through to be on Oprah!

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