Thursday, December 30, 2010

Your 365 Mondays Await You............ Happy New Year!

Period, six days late. Cramps are relentless. Too tired to even given into cravings. Wish I had stock in both Advil and Excedrine Migraine.
As many would agree; it was a wonderful Christmas, but, so glad it's over.
Now, as many are doing, it's time to focus on a New Year. Time to channel optimism, discover a renewed faith for a more rewarding day and attempt to stay focused on things you may want to improve upon. Time for reflection, and truly acknowledging if you are the person you want to be. I mean, you are who you are. But, are you the person you really want to be?
Why these notions don't take place on a Tuesday in June, is beyond me. Really though, who ever asks about your June Resolutions?
The diets, the working out, the quiting smoking, the quiting drinking; all the pros and cons of the vices that we allow to consume us. With these, just to name a few (and the more obvious), we usually 'start on Monday.' Monday is typically the day where there's an attempt to kick old habits and start new and improved lifestyles. Then fifty-two Mondays go by, and now our New Years Resolution List is created. A little longer than we thought; even longer for the true procrastinators.
I myself am an improving procrastinator.
"Hello, My name is Shannon and I am an improving procrastinator."
Here's an early toast (as i raise my invisible glass of nothing), that you have a wonderful 2011. Make the most of it... or at least do what I'm doing.... make every day a Monday! And no, not a "Manic Monday" per The Bangles and not a "Rainy Day Monday" per The Carpenter's. But, a 'start' Monday, per this blog contribution!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Extra Credit Points aren't Just for School!

Four days until Christmas, two days until my period... Calgon take me away! Some of you may not understand the Calgon statement; what can I say, YOUTUBE it!
The good news today is that I made my way to the gym, the bad news is that I passed the gym on my way to Dairy Queen! The best news of the day? Double Cheeseburger Meal was on promo for $3.99. I did substitute the fries with onion rings and yes, I loved every single delicious, calorie loaded, grease soaked bite!
My Mother raised a thoughtful woman though, as I passed by the gym, I waved and said, "Hello- I won't be in today." No, really I did.... complete with the cupped-hand, pageant wave. Well, I just figured I'd say the my "Hello" on the way to Dairy Queen because if I were to wave and say my "Hello" after Dairy Queen, my mouth would be full! My MaMa raised a lady, people!
Usually my fastfood choice for period week is McDonalds, but DQ was calling my name today! And it was flippin' delicious!!! No, I will not be in the gym today. Yes, I will be working out at home tonight! The music will be up and sweats will be on (complete with bandana- please see previous post for details)! Memories of my Dairy Queen fieldtrip will get me through my hour workout! And yes, I ordered a Coke! Not a Diet Coke... a Coke! Own your Double Cheeseburger Meal, people!!!
Dear Santa (per previous post), please allow me to revise; I would like Discipline..... and Calgon.... and 12 vouchers for a FREE Double Cheeseburger Meal at Dairy Queen to get me through each 'period week' in 2011!
You know, a few days ago I was behind a man, maybe mid twenties, in line at the grocery store. He was purchasing only two items: tampons and Advil. For whatever reason, he felt the need to share his thoughts, when he looked to me and said, "I don't think you ladies understand how hard it is for us guys to buy these things." Then I shared my thoughts on his 'purchase', by looking at him and saying, "Well, are you buying EXACTLY what she told you to? The least you could do is throw in a few of her favorite candy bars and a Cosmo magazine!" He said, "Really?" I said, "Well, extra credit points aren't just for school, you know! Besides, chocolate makes us happy and if she's reading a magazine she won't be bitching at you!"
Hopefully my couple of suggestions were taken as spontaneous and thoughtful on his part. And he may not know it yet, but in a week or two, he will reap the benefits of being so spontaneous and thoughtful. The Cosmo magazine he purchased was featuring several fascinating must reads: 'Make Him Grin and Bare It Tonight', '69 New Ways to Satisfy Your Man' and 'Clothing Optional Workouts for Couples.'
No doubt he won't mind buying her 'monthly essentials', in the future!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Two Full Plates, One Zipper Down and a Partridge in a Pear Tree!

On my Christmas Wish List this year: DISCIPLINE!
Dear Santa,
Please bring me discipline! I'll take it in a pill form, a nasty tasting beverage, intravenously or even as a suppository! I NEED discipline! I also need to be friends with people who suck at cooking and who suck even more at baking! I need to attend holiday gatherings where there was a kitchen fire and all that's being served, is burnt to a crisp! Where's the friend who bakes and confuses salt for sugar? I am friends with none of these people. Damn it!
Thank you for the invites and for encouraging me to have another serving at your yummy parties. Where everyone attending is doing the same thing.... eating, drinking and being merry!!! I'm unsure how many were doing what I was doing; hiding my unzipped pants under my lengthy, cozy turtleneck!
Tis the season to be challenged by the Holiday 7! It's said that the average American gains 7 lbs from November through the New Year; 7 lbs overall, not each month. Or each week, for that matter. So far, I've gained 1. ONE POUND! The good news? My bathroom time this season is reminding me that I am eating better. If you indulge in holiday goodies after spending months eating a much improved diet, you will be spending more time in the bathroom; with your body wondering, "What the hell did you feed me? What did I ever do to you?"
I'm due to start my period the 23rd. I'm confident to share that the Holiday 7 will be exceeded this week! Okay, maybe not. More water, less PMS cravings! There was a time that I would gain anywhere from 5-12 lbs the week of my period. But, maintaining a more disciplined diet that week specifically, has reduced the weight gain (which always vanished after the period anyway) to only about 3 lbs. And the horrid migraines I used to have monthly, are no longer monthly at all. Practically quarterly, maybe less!
This Holiday 7, is this the same for both men and women? Just seems like women would gain more than 7, at least 10! Typically, the women are the ones in the kitchen, taste-testing as they go. In general, women have little to no will power. Women also have more cravings than men, and more often than men. Men crave sex! Well, a meal that includes a piece of meat that Fred Flinstone would enjoy, and then sex! If women would crave sex more, and would satisfy that craving like she does a can of pringles.... craving: SATISFIED and potential weight issue: SOLVED!!!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Does your Gym sell Buttered Popcorn?

Okay... so I have no idea which is more challenging? A healthy grocery list on a $25.00 a week budget or getting to the gym on a regular basis? I try to make a game out of both! My favorite game growing up: Hide and Seek!
I love the gym! I love the feeling when I walk into the gym! I love all that I accomplish when I'm at the gym! I feel a little firmer when I leave the gym! However, I don't 'schedule' time for the gym! I don't make the gym a priority! It's typically an after thought. I do workout hard at the gym... when I go. There was a time that I was going 4, even 5 days a week, but, that was a long time ago! (calm down.... I'm working on it!)
I do tend to feel guilty if I don't go to the gym on a regular basis. Not because I'm depriving my body of a grueling workout in fluorescent lighting, but because I'm paying for it! I have a monthly membership; with a reasonable rate, considering I'm good friends with the girl who used to sleep with the owner (his ex-wife). I just need more discipline and less procrastination! It's a process..... and I am a work in progress! So, I use my hand weights, my body ball and my pilates machine; which are all conveniently located right here at home, for when I do feel consumed with guilt for not working out at the gym.
Some people ask why I have a gym membership when I can use these items at home? Well, I pay next to nothing for the membership, I workout on several more machines at the gym, and it's a chance to meet new people.
Recently, a 'new friend to be' approached me while I was on the elliptical (which I LOVE the elliptical). She said "Wow, you're really in the zone!" She also had this really impressed look on her face. I didn't think I had understood her, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She said, "Well, I said 'You're working hard!' But then you didn't hear me, so I thought, 'Wow you're really in the zone!'" Yes, I love the elliptical! Yes, I was sweaty and slightly out of breath! Yes, I was 'in the zone.' I was FOCUSED! How wonderful of her to notice! But.... I was not focused on my 'workout'..... while on the elliptical, I was watching The Food Network and the most amazing recipe for Savory Southern Fried Chicken was on. No, I did not confess that I was focusing on The Food Network! I politely shook my head in agreement that I was "in the zone." And NO, the Food Network channel should NOT be permitted in the gym! The channel that may entice people to work out hard and really, really stay focused at the gym? The Plus Size Porn channel! Is there such a channel... I have no idea! But, I am sure that if such a channel existed, and it was available at the gym, every machine would be filled, pounds would be shed and memberships would be through the roof!!! (background checks included)
Grocery list this week, did not include ingredients to Savory Southern Fried Chicken! What I do know about myself, even with the best of intentions for this process? If it's in the house, I will eat it! Even if I plan to buy something (which I have no business buying) and portion-baggie it out (it sounded reasonable in my head), I need to NOT do it! Poor decision item this week? Bugles! My intentions were to baggie them out and they'd last a while; I wasn't depriving myself of something yummy, salty and crunchy (and cute... Bugles are cute), and they were on sale! Well damn if I didn't eat the bag in two days! Yes, it was a family size bag! Yes, it was good! No, I will not be doing that again!!!
In general, I shop the perimeter. I went down actual aisles this week, one aisle for tuna (solid white) and the other for the Bugles (UUGGHH!) Chicken breast, some fresh produce, eggs, yogurt, tilapia and shrimp. (do I sound thin or what?)
OOPS, shared too soon. Did 'impulse' buy at the checkout. Berry flavored Gummie Life Savers, two bags, $1 each, no guilt to confess to, they're yummy and a couple here and there will keep me from being mean! And... I'm going to need some type of 'concession stand' goodie when I'm on the elliptical, watching The Plus Size Porn channel; my gym doesn't sell buttered popcorn!
Like I said..... work in progress!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Voluptuous Shoulders may be The Real Issue!

It's Wednesday, December 8th, and for almost a week now, I've considered blogging about my love/hate relationship with food, budget, weight gain, weight loss, cellulite, middle age spread, gravity, body image, self worth, confidence, stretch marks, the gym, the compliments, the suggestions, the excuses, the jealousy, the Krispy Kreme 'HOT' sign, walks with inclines (like my driveway and the walk to the mailbox), photographs representing who I was then... who I am now... and how much I've turned into my Mother. Through my 41st year, I would like to encounter a true sense of self. Well, a sense of self and a closet full of size 8's. Loose fitting 8's! EIGHT's! ATEs!
You may be wondering why an 8? Well, because I know with an improved diet and daily workouts; whether at the gym or just walking my driveway to get the mail, I know it's feasible. I just need to work in 3D; channeling Dedication, Discipline and Determination! I also know what I weigh, what I feel like and what I look like when I wear a size 8. Besides, I don't want my size to be in double digits.... well, except my bra size!
Did I mention I'm 5'2 1/2"? Yes people, almost 5'3"!!! I weigh more than most 6' athletes! I'd like to say it's all muscle, but, I think the numbers speak for themselves! My highest... 246lbs. My current... 226lbs. My goals... A size 8 (approx 125lbs) and A true sense of self (priceless)!
What you'll find through my daily journaling, rather blogging, is that I'm painfully honest. I'm so honest, you may ask that I start lying! What got me thinking about blogging on this specific subject is, The Biggest Loser. The Biggest Loser is taking applications for their next season. Though for a very brief second I considered applying to be on the show; I then thought of all the job applications I've submitted over the last year (since my job was eliminated in Jan of 2009 because of budget cuts), and the thought of being rejected AGAIN didn't interest me. Besides, I know how to lose the weight, I just don't work in 3D all the time. Maybe there should be a 4th D: Daily!
I'd have too many stipulations for The Biggest Loser. I wouldn't permit cameras to air me working out without a bandana on my head... thanks to a 1999 diagnosed hormonal disorder, my hair is quite THIN on top. Sure, the word 'thin' may come to mind when watching The Biggest Loser, but it shouldn't reference my sparse scalp. Also, I wouldn't want the viewers to be concerned for my raw, tomato-red face; believe me, someone will want to dial a hotline! I have rosacea, and when I work out hard, my face looks like someone left it under a broiler a little too long. OUCH for the viewers' eyes and OUCH for my face... it actually stings a little, too! The rosacea diagnosis was a 40th birthday present; didn't really care for that present, but unfortunately, it wasn't returnable. Lastly, I have psoriasis. My psoriasis was diagnosed in my early 30s. Though the psoriasis can be unsightly on the elbows (I could care less about that); it's under the nails. Having no medical insurance, I no longer take Enbrel. So, for now, the nails are no longer attached. For those that are still attached, they need to be kept super short; not to catch on anything, and painted with dark polish; to not make your belly queasy. (should be back on Enbrel within the month)
Why too much information? Here comes the honesty... being an obese contestant on The Biggest Loser wouldn't bother me.... being the obese contestant, with no hair, a raw red face and nail-less fingers... well, that would have me screaming for Dr. Phil and a bartender!
So, I chose to take this journey to improved health, weight loss and an overall better sense of self, via blogging! To vent, to be honest and to be held accountable; not only to those reading, but to myself!
Why start on a Wednesday? No sense in waiting for Monday! No sense in waiting for 2011! Besides, with the few lbs I've already lost, I got a very nice, but disturbing compliment today. "Are you losing weight, your shoulders look smaller?" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Did I have husky shoulders! Can we agree to maybe call them voluptuous shoulders? That (assumingly) heartfelt compliment, is why I decided to start the blog of honesty today! Maybe someone reading this blog, also has (unknowingly) voluptuous shoulders? This blog may inspire that person to acknowledge their plus size shoulder issue? Who in the world, compliments shoulder weight loss? One body part at a time, I guess!
Without the humiliation of failure, there is no greater incentive for success!