Monday, August 1, 2011

Peripheral Vision, not Just for Perverts!

And...... I'm already a day late.
Hello August! Glad to see you, but I'm trying to get to October. No offense August, but you're hot and sticky; these are qualities I seek in a fresh baked pastry, not in my day to day living! Sorry August, but I am patiently waiting for October. It is just too damn HOT! The upside, August is the month to get kids out of the mall, out of our supermarkets, out of the movie theaters, off their handheld devices and back to school!!!
My son is twenty-three and no longer in school, but because I don't want to be the only Mother not raising her glass celebrating returning to the classroom, I plan on attending numerous Happy Hours throughout the month of August! Mothers Unite!!!
The upside of October? Cooler weather and Oktoberfest!!! I'm not an alcoholic, I just play one while blogging! Please...... I don't drink. I'm topless sober. No need to booze me up. I'd be the naked one in the corner, talking to people who really aren't there; attractive people of course.
(i hallucinate when i drink... and yes, that is the truth!)
As far as 'naked in the corner', my gym's scale is in the corner. Maybe they feel it offers a sense of privacy, for those who have the occasional 'is this flippin' scale broken' meltdown. I do gently step on three different times, then of course go with the lower of the three results shown. Sadly, very rarely does it vary. Whether I place left foot first, right foot first..... turn myself about..... The damn scale reads the same all three times.
I would love to weigh naked in the corner; I feel like I've gained at least 6 lbs. Besides, don't clothes and shoes weigh, like 15 lbs? Weighing naked would do one of two things for business... Vacate the property as though there was a bomb threat or...... Encourage members to stay longer, push harder and possibly not stare directly at me. It's all about peripheral vision, people! How else are we going to judge strangers and compare ourselves to others? It's all about the gift of peripheral!
I'll weigh in August 2nd! Yes, I'll wear clothes! Yes, I'll report back!
Happy August!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment