Tuesday, July 6, 2010

How Do You Spell the Word, What?

It's official! I have bypassed 'turning into my Mother' today, and have gone straight for the gusto, by 'turning into my Grandmother.'
I looked at my S.O. (Significant Other; as I affectionately refer to him, with only the best of acronyms), and asked, "How do you spell the word, What?" It was as though my S.O. and I had been married for 20 years when he replied, "What the hell are you talking about?" I said, "I thought I knew how to spell 'what', but it doesn't look right!" Then it seemed like we were having a Spelling Bee for Preschoolers in our living room. The result: I did spell 'what' correctly, it just didn't look right. My eyes are older and more goofy now. What can I say?
I am no longer my Mother; I am now my Grandmother. Well, except I'm alive. My Grandmother passed away a few years ago, but believe me, if she were alive today, she too, would be asking, "How do you spell the word, What?"
These ridiculous moments of foolishness are, in the Shannon Language, described as 'Kathy Moments' (my Mother) or 'Barbara-isms' (my late Grandmother, and Kathy's Mother) If you want to see horns grow on a woman, just reference her in any way shape or form back to her Mother. And only then, may God have mercy on your soul!
Awwwww..... family genes! Damn it!
Visiting my son recently, a sentence came so easily from his mouth; one that did not go over well with my ears. "You look like Grandma." Now, I know he didn't say, "You look like 'A' Grandma," but the thought of me not attending more Pilates Classes did cross my mind. I really wanted to just kick him in the teeth; but lucky for him, my stubby legs couldn't reach! My immediate second thought was, 'How the hell am I going to spank this 21 year old, almost 6', 200 lb jackass?' I never really spanked him as a child, and would you look how he's turned out? This offspring of mine just insulted me with the most vicious of words! I then, must have given him a look that I wanted to kick him in the teeth, because he urgently tried to redeem himself by adding, "Well, not all the time. Just right then. You only looked like Grandma for a second." What did he just say? (now my hearing is playing tricks on me) Did jackass just repeat himself with an encore of stupidity?
My horns came out so fast, the broomstick I normally ride, turned into a pitchfork! Just when I thought I would beat him with my broomstick, now I can jab at him with my pitchfork! I didn't need a Pilates Class for Pitchfork Jabbing! Now, if someone could just hold him still! My reflex's aren't what they used to be.
It's inevitable. We do resemble our breeders; from physical features and characteristics, to mannerisms and even dialect. I look like my Mother and my sister looks like my Father, just less masculine. (At least that's what I tell her)
We too, even jab at one another. Like when she said, "I'm glad I don't have Mom's ass." Then I reminded her, "Yeah, but you have Dad's chest!"
Thankfully, we both have a cents of humor!
('Cents' doesn't look right, but I spell checked it. Like I said, my eyes are older and more goofy now)


  1. LOL! Have I told you lately that I love you?

  2. Love it!! And so true - my sister and I vow never to turn into our Mom, but damn it, it's happening!! lol